Twists and turns

Madeleine has been so stable for the past week that I wasn't really ready for the little bump in the road that happened last night. Her system started to become acidotic, I think that's how you spell it...I need a medical dictionary with me at the bedside! They thought it was a "volume" issue, so they gave her blood...that made it worse. They gave her sodium bicarbonate to treat the acid and they said it would create excess CO2 which big people just blow out of their systems by breathing more, but since they're breathing for her...they may need to increase her oxygen.

It all ended up going fine...the sodium helped her, her blood gas test came back a lot better, and so have all the ones that she's gotten since then, and they never had to crank her oxygen up. This was an issue because the increased oxygen would make her "chronic lung disease" worse. This is something that supposedly heals over time, but may leave her with asthma or the like. I think what "got me" was the nurse came to tell us the plan and looked at me and said, "I'm really sorry". That's something you say to a person when there's no hope left or things are horrible. I believe that she meant well and it was more about how it hit me. The doctor she has right now was never very concerned, or at least she was confident that Madeleine would not take a nose dive even though it's a ripple in the progress.

For some reason when people say they are SO SORRY to me...it makes matters worse...I know this isn't the greatest situation in the world (and TO the world) and ideally Madeleine would be born on time and fat and sassy and things would be fantastic! But this is what we've got, and I'm aware of what "could" happen and the worse case scenarios have been handed to me, even before she was born. She had a 50% chance at life itself...and then a 50% chance at being "normal" afterwards.

I've got a lot of hope for this little "willful child" as they call her, and I appreciate all the prayers she's receiving and hope that people keep praying. It's not over yet and we're still trudging through the forest. I just hope that no one ever says how SORRY they are again. People should only say they're sorry when they've done something wrong! It would be better to say nothing at all...

Tomorrow, Madeleine will be 3 weeks old earth time....(at 28 weeks)...please keep praying for her...