Peanut in action

This short little video makes it difficult for me to not regret taking more videos of Madeleine! If only I had video of a diaper change...or of a wrestling match with Mr. Tubersons! The 3 tiny clips that I do have of her just show that her progress was so ensuring, I didn't feel I would need video to remember her by. And I still don't, really. But, here is one where she was just swaddled for tummy time and is nomming on a pacifier. Pretty Peanut!

St. Madeleine - hard at work!

As if we didn't know that Peanut is a saint in heaven...as if we didn't know that she was always in a hurry to get things done! She showed up quickly after we got married...she entered into the world quickly, and even though we were given a good 6 weeks to love her and see her flourish...she left the world quickly. She also had a strong grip and when her hand found you, she never let go! She was (and is...) a force to be reckoned with...after all, they told me at the hospital only a few hours after she was born that she was "a willful child, and wanted what she wanted...when she wanted it!"

Ready for Peanut's first miracle?

Friday, the day we buried Peanut, I got the information in the mail on how to donate the hundreds of bottles of breast milk that I had to a milk bank. They screen you, dig up your medical records, send someone out to take blood...then you pack it in dry ice, ship it off to Texas, or Colorado...and God willing the FedEx truck doesn't break down somewhere along the way...the milk goes to a baby who's mother can't make milk for some reason. Sounded like a lot of work, but I was happy to do it.

Saturday, two of our close friends got married and of course we went to their wedding...wouldn't miss it for the world. I mentioned to Tim that I would wait and call the milk bank on Monday. Right after the wedding, I'm standing under a tree outside of church watching everyone and a woman from the parish, a fellow new mom, that I know but have never really talked to comes up to me and says that she has been praying to our little St. Madeleine for help...that her own milk hadn't come in very well and her baby, who was born 4 weeks premature, was allergic to cow's milk, hated his baby formula and was having a really hard time getting nourishment. What?! :O

Now how beautiful is that?! How perfect! There's no way that is coincidental, it's just too...WEIRD...for a lack of a better word! So they came over that day and we packed two giant coolers of baby food up for their little Punkin! Later that night, he had sucked down 3 bottles, his biggest meal...and he was tolerating it just fine. He's a cute little peanut, and it gives me indescribable joy to know that Madeleine and I can help him and his loving family out...she picked him and arranged this, I'm dead certain. Madeleine knew that her mommy was very sad that all that milk she had made for her wasn't ever going to reach her lips, and every time she saw it in the freezer, it poured salt on the wound.

I think that Madeleine should be the patron saint of premature babies! Even though I think in addition to the patron saint of mothers, St. Gerard is already doing the job! And an added hint of goose-bump giving info...the baby who is getting Madeleine's milk...his name is Gerard.

Oh St. Madeleine..., Peanut of Power...pray for us!
And, uh...while you're quickly arranging needed things...how about a 2nd floor bathroom for mommy, huh?!!! :D

No more tubes and wires

*Sigh...*
Well? Unlike the rest of this blog...which has started at a point and moved forward...now it's time to start here and work backwards...for a time. But first, check out my rusty photoshop skills! No more tubes and wires for Peanut! She is free!

Yesterday was a good day. There's nothing anyone can do to "get Peanut back"...so I see no point in being upset about that issue. Of course I'm sad, as sad as ever...we all are...but like Father said yesterday at her mass...Peanut doesn't want us to weep, she wants us to be happy because of her joy, she's in heaven, which is one bit of information we can lean on...unlike the mystery of, "What happened to Peanut?". As for that, I'm not even sure the doctors can tell us *exactly* what happened...that's why they call it medical "practice". BUT...from the outcome of Peanut's surgery she had the day she died, some things are evident. More of that at another time...the last thing I want to do right now is to roll it all through my head yet again, for the hundredth time possibly?!

One thing is clear, God does have mysterious ways...and often we are left standing baffled, as the tornado of events leaves and the dust is still settling on the ground...but I believe that He sent Peanut to us to teach a lesson...many lessons! One of those, after yesterday...coming home from the cemetery to find 50+ people at our house, tons of food set out, flowers, cards, hugs from every direction...that this little tiny girl who was only here for 7 weeks, brought all of us together as one big happy family. It should be like this all the time. So smile and remember that those of us who loved the Peanut, near and far, have a saint in heaven praying for us. Remember how hard she fought here on earth...how much harder will she fight now, for us?!

We love you Peanut!

Peanut's Mass

Madeleine Rose Maria Walter
March 18, 2009 - May 10, 2009

Mass
May 15th at 10 a.m.

St. Vincent de Paul Catholic Church (map)
3106 Flora Avenue
Kansas City, MO 64109

Mass followed by burial at North entrance (Children's section)
Resurrection Cemetery, Lenexa, KS
(There will not be a formal procession)
Click here for directions

All are welcome to attend...family, extended family, friends, nurse friends...peanut fans...modest dress requested in the church and ladies, bring a veil, scarf, hat, please and thank you!

Heavenly Peanut

Madeleine Rose Walter left us for a better place around 1 pm today. It was sudden, and very shocking...but the main thing we're focused on is that we know she's happy at home with God. More info to follow.

Resting In Peace...Madeleine Rose

Please Pray Hard

Out of nowhere it seems, Madeleine has, as far as I can comprehend at this early morning with 2 hours of sleep...contracted NEC, or has a hole in her bowel. She's not doing well, and needs surgery although they're not sure she can handle it right now...please pray very hard for her.

Kids, kids, kids

Daddy's turn! We try to take turns but it's easier for mommy to sneak in holds during the day. Right now, we only hold her once a day since it's sort of an ordeal to "get her out of the box". Once she's off the ventilator, they'll have to pry her out of our arms!

Peanut is doing well...she got blood today for the first time in about 3 weeks or more. The continuous feeds seem to be helping her blood sugar...but she better not get used to it because I don't offer that service at home!

They're beginning to talk about a projected time for Peanut to come off of her vent and onto a cpap. A week is the hope, but it all depends on Madeleine of course. I fear that, with the way she tugs at her tubes which are anchored to her face...that she will just yank the nasal cannula from her nose in one swift jerk of the paw! Hopefully by then she'll be stable enough to handle that.

We are very tired parents these days...and it's the "parenting" that's our relaxation! The set for the academy is finished and now the art projects for the school auction are being wrapped up...today it was 1st and 2nd grade "fingerprinting" some ceramic plates. I dreaded it at first because I'd heard they were wild ones...but their behavior was top notch. It might be me though...I tend to intimidate kids until they get to know me. Or is it the other way around? (which one is it, Dave?!) Either way, they were so great today...it was actually a lot of fun!

I got my mother's day dinner tonight since we figure Sunday would be CRAZY at dining establishments. Fine by me! We ate at Eden's Alley, out on the patio under that crisp, full moon. I had the puff pastry with asparagus and goat cheese...amazing. We spent the rest of the evening at the Peanut Palace. Life is good.

Then and Now...

Day 2

Day 50

There's a miracle baby in the midst of us...and she's 3 lbs. 6.5 oz...roughly. Give or take a dirty diaper! She's on continuous feeds of 30 ml of breast milk since her blood sugar has been going up and down...it's seems to be helping. Tomorrow she's getting evaluated by the endocrinologist...they'll probably be able to see deeper into her glandular issues. Tonight, she grabbed her ear and started pulling really hard...it made her very angry! Better than choking Mr. Tubersons!

Happy Birthday Peanut!

Madeleine is 50 days old today...

Finger Nomming...

"Mommy Tiiiiiime! Ooh mommy, I hope my chin's as big as yours someday!"

Peanut's isolette kept registering hotter than it was...so she got a new one. (Her temp was fine) And it really was new! It still had the manual in it and the cables were all zip tied up. Madeleine is the first peanut to grow in it. While the bed transfer was going on, I got to hold the Peanut. This time...I didn't resist her sweet fingers and "nommed"on them just a little. They were very tasty.

After Madeleine got her new bed, she thanked her nurse friend by licking her finger! She got caught in the action in the above photo...Mr. McBearenstein witnessed the whole scene!

Peanut had her 2nd eye exam today and her eyes are still just premature and so far show no sign of retinopathy of prematurity. Woohoo.! One more exam to go...if she doesn't get it by next week, she will probably not get it. Her feeds were increased to 30 ml today because of her size and she is scheduled for another vent weaning at midnight. Today, she was at 40% oxygen for some of the time...she was wide awake after "mommy time" and needed a little more, so I'm hoping she needs less oxygen as the evening wears on.

The set is almost finished for the academy, so I'll be in Peanutville more. This morning I went to see her at 8 am and Madeleine's nurse friend looked at me like "What are YOU doing here?!" Actually she said, "What...did you not sleep?!" It was nice there in the morning...the halls were quiet, there was hardly anyone around...just how I like it!